I started this blog as a way to explain the process of everything I was going through, from the “ups and downs” of a brain injury. I have already touched on that, but Covid kind of took over many parts of the perspective of this blog.

I hoped to be able to still give my views on how someone copes with a brain injury, living through Covid, the isolation, and challenges of working remotely. Of course, mine is from a Canadian perspective, whereas many other places kept living and processing “as is”.

At this time, I won’t get into the physical injuries from the accident. I feel it’s more important for me to work through the worst injuries which were the brain changes. I lost me. At least, that’s how it felt, and still feels.

From my second car accident, I suffered a major concussion. This would be my third one. Fortunately, the world has become more aware of the problematic and devastating affects of concussions. They have been slowly brought to public light through the media attention by the many athletes who have suffered through multitudes of concussion injuries.

From my own experiences, I’ve seen how easy it was to initially hide from the issues, yet quickly learned how debilitating concussions are to our lives. It made me wonder how many people have never been diagnosed, or have hidden the injuries. I wonder how many people had no idea why they were struggling, or were even aware that they were suffering a personality change. It’s an invisible injury, so it’s easy to ignore. It’s also hard for others to understand why or how you have changed.

For me, I was a very “A Type” personality, or for people who’ve done human resources “colour tests,” I was very much a “Red/Blue”. This means I liked to lead, and to understand the strategic world around me. Prior to the second accident, I was a project manager who had a multi-million dollar portfolio. I was in charge of making critical decisions on behalf of an entire Canadian province. I never found it daunting, it just seemed like a natural ability. Then, in literally a few seconds, it all changed.

The hardest moments were as I became cognizant of how much short-term memory loss I was experiencing. There have been days where I wish I was ignorant of the issue; that might have been easier to handle. But knowing made me able to learn how to handle it and work on improving. I had become painfully aware of how bad my injuries were. I realized quickly that I was having short-term memory loss, cognitive issues such as “brain fog,” and that I had lost the ability to find basic words for things.

The best example I can give to help explain the brain disconnect for words is when I tried to ask for an apple. I was able to visualize an apple in my head, but I couldn’t find the name for it, or even describe what it looked like. I was unable to give a colour, that it was food, size, and was unable to try to “charade” it out. It was like a block was happening between my visual brain and my words. Let’s just say, “aggravating” is the calmest word I can use for my experience.

I also found out that I couldn’t read. Well, I could read words, but the words would not connect in my brain to make sense. I was unable to understand what I was reading. As a graduate with a minor in literature, this was beyond depressing. It took me a long time to decide to read simple books for youth, then fluffy novels, then slowly into reading complex articles, and I’m still not to where my reading levels used to be. I usually had at least 3-4 books on my beside table.

My husband and friends helped me to cope by making jokes how, “Everyday is a new day,” and it was fun to be able to tell me the same jokes daily, I wouldn’t remember anyway. That worked for a while, but for someone who was the person everyone went to for help, for organization etc., the joke wore thin quickly.

I was told by the many specialists I saw that I may improve to what I was like pre-accident, but with the lack of knowledge of how our brains work, no-one really knows. Brains are a funny thing, we know so much through modern medicine, but in reality, not much is known about how the brain truly works.

I was happy to learn, that to help my brain, I should enjoy eating foods with good fats, since our grey matter of the brain is mostly made up of fat with a lot of other intricacies. Of course, I used this to justify eating bacon every day! Ok, so not the best of the good fats (FYI, it’s not a bad fat, but I would just gain extra weight which won’t help!). Thank god I love avocados and many other healthy fats.

I also was told to push testing my brain in any way I could, eye-hand coordination, etc. So I was happy that I already loved jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, and games. So I went from easy ones to more challenging ones as I felt things improve.

Well, it’s been five years since that accident, and I’m definitely not the same person. I honestly don’t think I will ever be the same. But, although I get frustrated, and we don’t laugh as much that “every day is a new day,” things have improved enough that I am able to be back at work and function better in life. I will never be the same A-type personality, or the multi-tasker/strategic thinker, but I do maintain some of those skills to a more minor degree.

What I have become is someone who is more tolerant of others. I try to think more about where others are coming from before judging. I am more patient for both myself and others. I think I actually relax more as I realized we can only do so much to push ourselves into what we hope life will be. Now, I try to do what I feel I need, or want, and see where life takes me.

My short-term memory is a little better, depending on how well I’ve been able to sleep (insomnia became another major issue). I’ve also learned to use the many tools at my disposal, writing notes, post-its, reminders on my phone, etc.

I wish I had advice for people, but all I can say is, we all have our issues, our problems, and things we wish were different. However, learning to accept the life that we are given, and trying to change what is within our ability to change, is all we can do. But, then why would anyone want to take advice from this Drunken Raccoon!

TV/Movies: “The Half of It” a Netflix movie about a “smart but cash-strapped teen that agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn’t expect to become his friend - or fall for his crush”. It was more complex than I assumed. I thought it would be fairly basic, but I was wrong as it reminded me a bit of me feeling awkward, trying to understand my own sexuality in high school. The word “bi-sexual” wasn’t known when I grew up. So, I was definitely a confused child, and it wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I understood myself.

The other binge show I have enjoyed was “Last Kingdom.” The new season, yummy Utred son of Utred!

Reading: Trying to read the numerous articles I constantly save be email, Facebook, etc.! So a lot of Smithsonian articles!

Music: I have always loved the “Vincent Black Shadow” which is a local Vancouver band that sadly isn’t around anymore, but trust me, check them out.